I'm still alive!!

It's been way too long since my last post, but that's because a lot has happened in my life and I just have not been able to take the time write... well, I guess I have chosen to other things instead because for once I just was not sure what to write at all.

I've had some very big life changes over the past few weeks, and I'm still adjusting to them as well as to a few more to come. It has been extremely difficult, but all in all my life has never been better.

Food has been a real struggle though... mostly because I've been on the go and having to eat out more. But I'm getting back into a routine, and looking forward to my half marathon in a few months.

I've been very sick with a massive sinus/upper respiratory infection for about 6 weeks now. It's made it nearly impossible to work out and train. But as I slowly begin to feel better I'm incorporating more and more activity into my life and will back on track in no time.

Thank you for all of the love while I was MIA. :) I'm going to do my best to blog at least once a week if not 2-3 times a week. It's so good for me! :)

Goals, motivation, and moving forwad

As some of you know it's been a little rough for me the past few months in terms of staying on track. Life can really get in the way of your best intentions! I've done a lot of thinking and praying about this and I know that I'm not giving up. I'm going to get to my end goal, and I'm going to be healthy and fit. It's just going to take some time, and I'm not really able to predict how long because I honestly don't know.

I do know that I can do my best to set realistic, achievable goals for the short term and the long term that will help me along in this journey to health and wellness. And I also know that these goals will help me stay motivated and keep moving forward, even if it is at a snails pace. :)

We're in the countdown to the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. Only 6 more days! I haven't gotten in the training I was hoping for due to sinus infection and life in general, but my goal still stands. My goal is to jog the entire race and to finish faster than my last 5K at less than 48 minutes (I'd really like to see it less than 45 minutes!).

My next goal is to run a 5k on the November 6th for the American Diabetes Association. Again, I want run the whole thing, and shave off time (even if it's just a few seconds).

I got a little ambitious and signed up for a 15K for the following weekend! I'm a little nervous about this one, but know that I have plenty of training time in front or me, and I also know that it will be a good preparation for the half marathon in February. For the 15K my goal is to run the whole thing (9.3 miles) and try to average a 16 minute mile pace. If I can do that, I think it will help my fears of being swept at the half. :)

To achieve these goals I've done a couple different things. First, I've started the Couch to 5K program and also downloaded an app to train for the half. Apart from the last 2 weeks, I've gone jogging 5-7 days a week about 2 miles each time. Also, to help with the endurance part for the longer runs I've planned, I've started using my elliptical. Yesterday I did 5 miles! And I did it in 75 minutes which is approximately a 15 minute mile pace! I really like have the milage goal on the elliptical rather than a time goal like I used to do because I can control how long it takes me to do the miles. :)

I've still got so far to go, but I'm feeling pretty positive that I will get there. I have a lot of bad habits, wrong thinking, and negativity to overcome and it's going to take some time to do that. Here's to changing my life one day at a time!

The Dreaded Scale!

My scale and I have not been seeing eye to eye for some time now... I admit, I have not held up my end of the bargain as well as I should be. But really? Does it have to be so traumatic to step on a scale? Why do I equate the scale with success or failure rather than how I'm feeling physically? I feel great! I've been running more than I thought possible, I've been more consistent lately than before. And yet, I step on the scale and see that?!?

So how do I go from panic attacks prior to weigh in to just looking at the number as one data point of many in calculating my success? How do disassociate the emotion from the scale?

I know that the number is important, but I also know that it is not the ONLY measure of my success (at least intellectually I get that, but not so much on the emotional level). Ugh... Just gotta keep trying!

I am me

I find that I compare myself to just about anyone and everyone. The problem with that is that I never match up. I'm never as fast, as quirky, as funny, as cute, as creative, as slim, as perky, as (insert random attribute/quality here). I do this more than I even realize. For every instance that I recognize this behavior there are probably 10+ others I don't. It has become almost like a part of my nature.

But I'm getting to the point in this journey and in my life that I don't want to be like anyone else. I am me. I am beautiful, smart, loving, caring, giving, funny, creative, inclusive, thoughtful, and more. Before today I would never have written that, and definitely wouldn't have spoken it aloud because I would have thought it to be arrogant. But I am not arrogant, I am definitely fallible and for every one of those qualities there are others that I need to work on and improve to be the woman God intended me to be.

I am not going to lose weight as fast as this person or that. I am going to lose it as fast as I am able to. I am not going to "get it" and overcome this food addiction in the same way or time frame as someone else, but I am going to do it the perfect amount of time for me. Because I am me.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made to be just who I am. I was not a mistake. Every step I take in this life was pre-ordained by God, and I can only follow Him and do my best. I am no one else, and I answer to no one other than my Heavenly Father. Because I am me. And that is good enough.

Breaking the Guilt Cycle

This weekend was a rough one for me emotionally. I've been dealing with some issues and it's just been very tough. I tend to be an emotional eater when I feel trapped, misunderstood, and/or out of control of the situation. This weekend was no exception.

I made some very poor choices in the midst of my good ones and today I'm feeling very guilty. I think the guilt is because tomorrow is weigh day and I don't want to disappoint Nancy or myself. I am still trying to figure out how to change my thinking toward food when I'm in the middle of an emotional "crisis" and all I want to do is eat.

It really bothers me that I can't just do it already. It seems simple enough... follow the food plan Nancy and I created for the week, exercise 5 days minimum, weigh in and see results... I can't seem to just do it though. I know the issues are deeper than that, and that if it really were that simple no one would be obese... and yet, I expect myself to do it because I know how to do it.

I want to be more positive and cut myself slack, but then I worry that if I am too lenient I'll just let myself do anything, but I don't want to be too hard on myself, and so they cycle continues.

I need this. I need God to open my eyes and heart to the true "why" and to help me walk in freedom from this addiction to food. I obviously can't do it on my own, and it's really hard to let it go.

Actions speak louder than words

In my last post I told all of you that I wanted to run some 5K's and build up to February's Princess Half Marathon. Well, I'm not just talking about it! I signed up for the October 17th Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure 5K and have pledged not just to run, but to try to raise $100.00 for the cause. I also signed up for the  Florida Hospital Celebration Health 5K & 10K on November 14th. I am running both for a total of 9.3 miles! Kinda scared, but excited too! Lastly (for now at least) I officially signed up to run the Disney Princess Half Marathon on February 27th! Very excited about this one, and know that WHEN I accomplish it, it will be absolutely incredible!

The best part of all this "talking" about running is that it has led to other people wanting to train with me and join me in the Race for the Cure 5K! My mom and I are going to do the Couch to 5K training 5 days a week (since we only have 4 weeks instead of 9 this works great) and my brothers girlfriend is going to do 3 of those 5 days with us. We're all going to do the race together! I'm so excited!!! I have a little support group going.  :-)

Once I finish the C25K I also have a half marathon training regimen I am going to start. My mom may join me with that too which would be awesome! If you have any tips on gearing up for a race I would love to have them!

So far, my actions are matching my words. As I finish these races and achieve my goals, they will definitely be much louder! :)

5K's, 10K's, Half-marathons... Oh my!

Lately I can't help thinking about why things feel so different in terms of weightloss than they did when I first began this journey. Obviously a big one is that the "honeymoon" stage is over. :) Can't really fix that, but, there are other things. When I was in my first 12 weeks of this journey I had very specific fitness goals. At first it was walk 30 minutes a day. Then I decided I wanted to do a 5K and so I began incorporating running into my walks. Then I found out that the Oz crew was coming and hosting my very own 5K and things got very serious! LOL

Basically, that whole time I had a goal in mind. The last several months I have had goals, but it hasn't seemed the same. I haven't had a race to prepare for, or TV appearance to motivate me. I've just had real life... and I lost some of that passion and drive because I didn't have that end goal.

Well, I do now! I decided that I am going to run the Race for the Cure 5K. Last year when Scott and I walked it I had just come back from NYC and the beginning of my new life. I told myself that day that next year I'd run it. Well, it's next year! So, I'm going to train to run that 5K.

My biggest ambition is to run the Disney Princess Half Marathon in February. This is very scary for me. You have to keep a 16 minute mile or you get "swept". Also, if I don't train seriously, I'll be setting myself up for failure. I am worried about investing all this time (and money) and not finishing, BUT I'm not going to let fear stop me! I'm going to run it and I'm going to focus on the finish line.

In preparation for the half marathon I'm heading over to Track Shack tomorrow to have a gait analysis done and check out the shoe wall. I'm in desparate need of new running shoes so I'll be purchasing a new pair ASAP.  Also, in addition to the Race for the Cure, I've found some local 5 and 10K's between now and the half marathon that will help me to prepare physically.

My confidence is, quite honestly, not that high. I'm hoping that by accomplishing some of these smaller fitness goals my confidence will soar back to where it was and beyond. Since the honeymoon is over, I have to figure out how to make this my daily life because that's the only way I'll be truly successful!