HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

So I'm less than two months away from my first ever half marathon and I'm officially freaking out... I am no where near as prepared as I should be, and my training has not exactly been happening. BUT, I'm not out yet! This week begins my new training program where my goal is to not get swept.

I've also started using Shakeology by Beachbody. You can check it out here. It has been a great meal replacement for breakfast as I've found mornings to be an issue for me since moving. I just can't seem to get myself ready in time to cook. LOL They also have some great workouts which I'm going to be trying in the coming months to help break out of the monotony and burn some fat! :)

This stage of transition seems to be smoothing out. I'll be moving again in about 4 more weeks (yes, again!) and I think once that's done I will feel more settled. I'll have my own space with all my stuff out of boxes LOL

Over the past few months it's been increasingly clear how important it is to surround yourself with giving, supportive, honest, caring people who love, challenge, motivate, and hold you accountable. This is of course opposed to having people in your life who, intentionally or otherwise, sabbotage, tear down, and feed into your insecurities...

As I move into the new year, and a new life really, I am overwhelmed by how little I valued myself... I allowed people and things in my life that were not healthy because I felt I didn't deserve any better, and thought I'd never find any better. Boy was I wrong! I deserve only the best, and I deserve to have love and respect and joy as much as the next person. Little by little I'm peeling away those insecurities and allowing my vulnerabilities to be exposed and raw and open... I'm healing from the inside out. :) And the funny thing is... it's showing up physically in pounds lost. Interesting how it all ties together! ;)

time flies

So, I've been MIA for a while, but things are going really well. I've started dropping pounds again and have lost about 10 more pounds in the last couple weeks. A few things have contributed to this I think... Work has been insane and I literally don't have time to eat (not good) but also, I'm not feeling the desire to eat like I used. I find that I want to eat when I'm hungry, and when I'm not I don't. This is a new concept for me... I think a lot of it has to do with emotions.

I felt trapped for so long... I wasn't able to be me. My only escape was food because I couldn't let on how bad things really were. I didn't even realize how bad things were. I've learned a lot these last few months and it's been a really good thing. I'm discovering what true love, commitment, and caring really are and it's been incredible.

I hope everyone has had a wonderful holiday, and has a safe and happy New Year. :)

Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda...

In this phase of my life I find myself reflecting on decisions and choices over the last days, months, and even years... The only constant in my life these days are my loving family and my great job. And they have both been lifesavers! However, I am nowhere near where I wanted to be or even thought I'd be at this point.

I am separated, living with family, and turning to food way more than I should, and frankly more than I even want to... It's just such a habit even still. I have gained a lot of the weight back and that is BEYOND frustrating. I'm so mad at myself for allowing food to continue to control me. I should be SO much further than this in my journey.

But then I stop and think... In the last year or so since being on Dr. Oz I've moved three times, lost my job, got a new job, had two family members in the hospital due to serious illness, separated from my husband, had to give my dog to a new owner, and downsize all of my belongings into 4 storage tubs and some reusable bags... Not an easy year by any stretch of the imagination, but it certainly could have been worse.

How do I get past the urge to eat when my life feels out of control. Even though several of those life events were due to choices I made, the ramifications had lasting effects and even a few unknown consequences. Not that I'd change any of those choices, but I would change my reaction to the stress and emotion of it all.

The last four and a half weeks specifically have been very tough on my eating. I've been living in a transition of sorts as I figure out what I'm doing and of course, eating out has been a LOT easier than trying to plan, shop, and cook. However, I feel like crap, and I'm gaining weight and I DON'T LIKE IT ONE BIT!

So today I'm taking back my health and wellness! I'm writing down everything that goes in my mouth. I'm being planful and taking the necessary few minutes to ensure that I'm prepared for snack attacks and boredom. I'm going to go for a walk/jog tonight too and I'm actually looking forward to it. :)

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

I AM DOING THIS!

I'm still alive!!

It's been way too long since my last post, but that's because a lot has happened in my life and I just have not been able to take the time write... well, I guess I have chosen to other things instead because for once I just was not sure what to write at all.

I've had some very big life changes over the past few weeks, and I'm still adjusting to them as well as to a few more to come. It has been extremely difficult, but all in all my life has never been better.

Food has been a real struggle though... mostly because I've been on the go and having to eat out more. But I'm getting back into a routine, and looking forward to my half marathon in a few months.

I've been very sick with a massive sinus/upper respiratory infection for about 6 weeks now. It's made it nearly impossible to work out and train. But as I slowly begin to feel better I'm incorporating more and more activity into my life and will back on track in no time.

Thank you for all of the love while I was MIA. :) I'm going to do my best to blog at least once a week if not 2-3 times a week. It's so good for me! :)

Goals, motivation, and moving forwad

As some of you know it's been a little rough for me the past few months in terms of staying on track. Life can really get in the way of your best intentions! I've done a lot of thinking and praying about this and I know that I'm not giving up. I'm going to get to my end goal, and I'm going to be healthy and fit. It's just going to take some time, and I'm not really able to predict how long because I honestly don't know.

I do know that I can do my best to set realistic, achievable goals for the short term and the long term that will help me along in this journey to health and wellness. And I also know that these goals will help me stay motivated and keep moving forward, even if it is at a snails pace. :)

We're in the countdown to the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. Only 6 more days! I haven't gotten in the training I was hoping for due to sinus infection and life in general, but my goal still stands. My goal is to jog the entire race and to finish faster than my last 5K at less than 48 minutes (I'd really like to see it less than 45 minutes!).

My next goal is to run a 5k on the November 6th for the American Diabetes Association. Again, I want run the whole thing, and shave off time (even if it's just a few seconds).

I got a little ambitious and signed up for a 15K for the following weekend! I'm a little nervous about this one, but know that I have plenty of training time in front or me, and I also know that it will be a good preparation for the half marathon in February. For the 15K my goal is to run the whole thing (9.3 miles) and try to average a 16 minute mile pace. If I can do that, I think it will help my fears of being swept at the half. :)

To achieve these goals I've done a couple different things. First, I've started the Couch to 5K program and also downloaded an app to train for the half. Apart from the last 2 weeks, I've gone jogging 5-7 days a week about 2 miles each time. Also, to help with the endurance part for the longer runs I've planned, I've started using my elliptical. Yesterday I did 5 miles! And I did it in 75 minutes which is approximately a 15 minute mile pace! I really like have the milage goal on the elliptical rather than a time goal like I used to do because I can control how long it takes me to do the miles. :)

I've still got so far to go, but I'm feeling pretty positive that I will get there. I have a lot of bad habits, wrong thinking, and negativity to overcome and it's going to take some time to do that. Here's to changing my life one day at a time!

The Dreaded Scale!

My scale and I have not been seeing eye to eye for some time now... I admit, I have not held up my end of the bargain as well as I should be. But really? Does it have to be so traumatic to step on a scale? Why do I equate the scale with success or failure rather than how I'm feeling physically? I feel great! I've been running more than I thought possible, I've been more consistent lately than before. And yet, I step on the scale and see that?!?

So how do I go from panic attacks prior to weigh in to just looking at the number as one data point of many in calculating my success? How do disassociate the emotion from the scale?

I know that the number is important, but I also know that it is not the ONLY measure of my success (at least intellectually I get that, but not so much on the emotional level). Ugh... Just gotta keep trying!

I am me

I find that I compare myself to just about anyone and everyone. The problem with that is that I never match up. I'm never as fast, as quirky, as funny, as cute, as creative, as slim, as perky, as (insert random attribute/quality here). I do this more than I even realize. For every instance that I recognize this behavior there are probably 10+ others I don't. It has become almost like a part of my nature.

But I'm getting to the point in this journey and in my life that I don't want to be like anyone else. I am me. I am beautiful, smart, loving, caring, giving, funny, creative, inclusive, thoughtful, and more. Before today I would never have written that, and definitely wouldn't have spoken it aloud because I would have thought it to be arrogant. But I am not arrogant, I am definitely fallible and for every one of those qualities there are others that I need to work on and improve to be the woman God intended me to be.

I am not going to lose weight as fast as this person or that. I am going to lose it as fast as I am able to. I am not going to "get it" and overcome this food addiction in the same way or time frame as someone else, but I am going to do it the perfect amount of time for me. Because I am me.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made to be just who I am. I was not a mistake. Every step I take in this life was pre-ordained by God, and I can only follow Him and do my best. I am no one else, and I answer to no one other than my Heavenly Father. Because I am me. And that is good enough.