Up, down, and all around...

It has officially been 6 months since I started this journey and it has been quite a roller coaster ride indeed. Some incredibly amazing highs and some very low lows... Through it all lost weight, gained weight (twice!) and stayed the same weight (twice!). The only constant through it all has been my rock and coach and personal Wellness Warrior Nancy, and my deep rooted addiction to food. Yes, I believe that like an alcoholic, I will always be a "recovering" food addict.

Hi, my name is Amy, and I'm addicted to food.

Now, you might think that's kind of depressing, and some days it really is. This is an incredibly difficult journey and I am constantly learning new things about food, my emotions, my mentality, my reactions, my reasoning, and the list goes on and on. It can be very overwhelming at times, especially when my everyday life decides to pop in to the picture too! :)

This year (and it's only April) I have lost a job, gotten a new job, my husband had surgery, my in-laws moved in with us, and now they are moving out, we've had a car engine blow, we've had some serious illness both with myself and my husband and our immediate family... Life doesn't stop, in fact, it's pretty much a constant battle of dealing with the every day normal (and abnormal!) life stresses. Take away my "crutch", my self-imposed "saviour" FOOD and it can take a bad situation to a formidable one real quick.

I thought for sure that it would be smooth sailing by now. I mean, come on, I've lost 75 pounds, I'm working out 45-60 minutes a day, my body has completely changed and my mind has changed a lot too. But I'm beginning to realize that this constant desire for chocolate, sugar, pizza, cereal, etc, etc, etc just may never completely go away. I think I'm always going to want that stuff, but I'm equiping myself to be able to say no to it and make better choices, whereas before I had no power to say no. Do I always stay strong and "just say no"? Of course not. I'm human, I'm weak. But I'm learning.

Again, this is sounding quite depressing, but I'm actually finding it to be empowering. Some days life is going to suck, we all have to face that. :) But eating a gallon of ice cream doesn't change that, and it usually makes it worse by the time your spoon scrapes the bottom of the bucket!

Over the last 5 weeks I've lost only 7 pounds. That kind of bummed me out. I mean, I had weeks where I was losing 7 pounds at a time! But rather than beat myself up, I'm trying to realize that sometimes the learning that takes place during those weeks where I gained or stayed the same is actually more important than number on the scale.

This literally is the journey of my lifetime, meaning, I will be on this journey until the day I die. Lord willing, that's quite a long way away! :) So, while I need to focus on the day to day, I can't lose sight of the big picture either.

70 Pounds Lost

To date I have lost 70 pounds. I have hit many milestones along the way and am nearly halfway to my weight goal. People ask me a lot if this journey is still hard, or if it gets any easier. Well, the answer is kinda complicated. LOL

Every day is a new challenge of it's own. This journey has been easier than I anticipated in some ways, but harder in others. I have learned so much, but am still learning new things about myself, my body, and most importantly my mind and thoughts.

In the beginning I was so focused on perfection. I made sure I was eating only the things I was "allowed" to have, and got in all my vegetables, all my protein, etc, etc. Today those things are more second nature. The automating has helped with that a ton! I don't have to guess at what I can and can't have because I have learned so much about different foods and how they react with my body. I have learned how to choose wisely and which foods work better for me than others.

This is not to say that I always make the right choices though! LOL I still have a sweet tooth. I still want chips, and cereal, and chocolate, and whatever everyone else is eating. But it's different than it was 5 months ago. It's a struggle still, but now I have the power and the knowledge and the courage to just say no (most of the time) :)

Exercise used to be my nemesis! It was the one thing I struggled the most with in the beginning. It took everything in me to even go for a 30 minute walk. I found having a goal made it easier to get the exercise in. I decided to do a 5K so I knew I had to prepare for that. I would go every night and walk at the highest speed I could, usually about 3.3-3.5 and then I'd add jogging intervals. At first I could only do about 30 seconds. But now I can jog longer and further at a time. Before I knew it, I found myself loving my workouts and missing them if I wasn't able to fit them in.

Yes, I became "that" girl! LOL I love working out! I love trying new machines at the gym, I love pushing myself on the elliptical and on my jogs. Exercise has become a part of me that I never want to let go! :)

Food is still an issue for me. It is an day-by-day (and sometimes hour-by-hour) struggle to make the right decisions. Every now and again I sneak a treat here, or a bite there. Sometimes it's a whole something LOL but the difference now is that it doesn't defeat me. Before, a bite would have sabotaged my entire diet. I would feel guilty, and then eat more, and then feel guiltier, and eat more, etc, etc. Now, instead of allowing food to define me, I try to find the "why" behind my choice. Was I bored? Was I sad? Was I tired? Was I hurting? Was I PMS'ing? The next time I feel that way I can identify it and have alternatives ready to satisfy the craving. I'm still working on this part, but it's a process. :)

The biggest thing is take it in steps, baby steps then lead up bigger steps and leaps and then bounds. And before you know it you've got a whole new attitude and way of living. If you lay out everything you are supposed to do to be healthy it's very overwhelming! Every time I type it out I think, wow! that's a lot! LOL :) But, if you take one or two things at a time and then build from there you will find it is a lot easier and actually doable.

If I can do this, ANYONE can! Seriously! I'm just an ordinary woman living an ordinary life. I have no magical powers or will power of steel LOL You can do this!