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Friday, April 30, 2010

Up, down, and all around...

It has officially been 6 months since I started this journey and it has been quite a roller coaster ride indeed. Some incredibly amazing highs and some very low lows... Through it all lost weight, gained weight (twice!) and stayed the same weight (twice!). The only constant through it all has been my rock and coach and personal Wellness Warrior Nancy, and my deep rooted addiction to food. Yes, I believe that like an alcoholic, I will always be a "recovering" food addict.

Hi, my name is Amy, and I'm addicted to food.

Now, you might think that's kind of depressing, and some days it really is. This is an incredibly difficult journey and I am constantly learning new things about food, my emotions, my mentality, my reactions, my reasoning, and the list goes on and on. It can be very overwhelming at times, especially when my everyday life decides to pop in to the picture too! :)

This year (and it's only April) I have lost a job, gotten a new job, my husband had surgery, my in-laws moved in with us, and now they are moving out, we've had a car engine blow, we've had some serious illness both with myself and my husband and our immediate family... Life doesn't stop, in fact, it's pretty much a constant battle of dealing with the every day normal (and abnormal!) life stresses. Take away my "crutch", my self-imposed "saviour" FOOD and it can take a bad situation to a formidable one real quick.

I thought for sure that it would be smooth sailing by now. I mean, come on, I've lost 75 pounds, I'm working out 45-60 minutes a day, my body has completely changed and my mind has changed a lot too. But I'm beginning to realize that this constant desire for chocolate, sugar, pizza, cereal, etc, etc, etc just may never completely go away. I think I'm always going to want that stuff, but I'm equiping myself to be able to say no to it and make better choices, whereas before I had no power to say no. Do I always stay strong and "just say no"? Of course not. I'm human, I'm weak. But I'm learning.

Again, this is sounding quite depressing, but I'm actually finding it to be empowering. Some days life is going to suck, we all have to face that. :) But eating a gallon of ice cream doesn't change that, and it usually makes it worse by the time your spoon scrapes the bottom of the bucket!

Over the last 5 weeks I've lost only 7 pounds. That kind of bummed me out. I mean, I had weeks where I was losing 7 pounds at a time! But rather than beat myself up, I'm trying to realize that sometimes the learning that takes place during those weeks where I gained or stayed the same is actually more important than number on the scale.

This literally is the journey of my lifetime, meaning, I will be on this journey until the day I die. Lord willing, that's quite a long way away! :) So, while I need to focus on the day to day, I can't lose sight of the big picture either.

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