My company is in the process of launching a health and wellness initiative to get people thinking about and taking action towards better health. When I heard they were looking for "Wellness Champions" to help lead this effort I knew I had to be involved! I wanted to do it to show other people that they can start living healthy no matter their current health state, but most of all, I thought it would be a great accountability tool for me.
I was so excited for our first meeting, looking forward to meeting the other Wellness Champions and finding out exactly how I could get involved. I got to the meeting room and was instantly deflated. Sitting around the table were about 10 thin, well put together, "healthy looking" women. Not only was I the only overweight person there, but not one of them had even a few pounds to lose... My old self-depricating, self-loathing thought patterns were creeping in and I felt VERY self-conscious and out of place. A very familiar place, and yet still uncomfortable and heart breaking. So, I took a seat and tried to make myself appear as small as I possibly could. If I could have thrown on Harry Potter's invisibility cloak I would have!
I did my best to focus on the conversation rather than on what I thought people might be thinking about me. I was not at all prepared for my reaction! The old me would probably not have joined in the first place, but if I had I would have expected this very scenario! Despite my distraction, I found out a lot of cool information and am very excited about what we will be doing in the coming months. Every now and then I had to literally stop myself, and re-direct my focus to the meeting.
It really bothers me that I am so self-conscious even still. I think that my slacking off and not being diligent to follow the plan has a lot to do with it. I've literally eaten my self-confidence away! I have rebuild my self-confidence and reprogram my mind (again) that I am just as capable, and just as worthy of being a Wellness Coach as any of those ladies in there. Health is not determined by your size, though we all know it is a good indicator skinny does not equal healthy.
What I learned, and am still learning, is that I do have value, and I have every right to share what I've learned so far with other people so they can in turn begin their own journey to health and wellness. I can't let my weight rob me of my passion.
Weight in my Head
1 day ago