October 2009 was an incredible month. It was the month I was contacted by the Dr. Oz show and flew to NYC to tape a life changing segment. I weighed 364 pounds and my waist was more than 60 inches... Not a good place to be for someone desperately wanting to be a mom.
Today, I have come a long way from the woman I was that fateful October day (the 21st to be exact). I lost over 70 pounds, and about 15 inches, and then... life happened. I wasn't prepared for the emotional turmoil. Nancy constantly tried to get me to analyze and understand the emotions behind my over eating. What was I feeling in the moment? I'm beginning to see that this truly is the key to overcoming this weight struggle. I'm not there yet, meaning I don't truly understand all the whys behind my eating. But I do know that I have deep seated issue with feeling good enough, worthy, worthwhile.
Living through an emotionally abusive marriage I allowed a lot of hurt and pain into my life. I allowed it because I honestly felt that not only would I not find anything better, I didn't feel I deserved any better. Five months ago I made an enormous decision to leave that marriage. I got to the point where I knew that whether I ended up being single the rest of my life I could not live the way I had been any longer.
Since leaving I have been happier than I ever thought possible. I have discovered boundaries, and yes, even a smidge of backbone along the way. I have discovered that true love does not seek to put down but to lift up. True love brings out the best in you, it doesn't make you afraid, it doesn't make you feel worthless. True love allows you to be you as you are right at that moment.
So, here I am, five months later, realizing that health and wellness is DEFINITELY not an option, it's a necessity. I have to live healthy, and whole, and free. I can't be chained down by pounds of hurt. I know it's going to be a long road, but since I've already travelled it successfully once I KNOW I CAN DO THIS.
It's gonna be hard. It's gonna be painful. It's gonna be the best damn thing I've ever done! :)
So here's to Day 1 of the rest of my life. I've managed to keep off about 20 pounds since October 2009. And I'm taking one day at a time, one pound at a time. I'll get there. And I'll do it in a way that works for me, and allows me to be me, just healthier. :)
I'm Not Sure I Can Do This
5 days ago