This morning I woke up at the crack of dawn to go the gym with my husband. Of course I love my elliptical, it is amazing!!! But I also want to develop more muscle tone in the hopes of lessening the amount of excess skin I will have when I reach my goal weight. :)
So, I did a little cardio to warm up by using the stationary bike. I did 7.5 miles in 20 minutes! I then moved on to the weight machines and focused on my arms. I did 3 sets of 10-15 reps on about 5 machines. Then I moved to the area that I have always been afraid to go into because I've been too self-conscious... the floor area with mats and ab machines and the dreaded leg lift contraption! LOL I tried one of the ab things and couldn't figure it out. No biggie... Then I tried to do some leg lifts. You know the thing I'm talking about. You step up onto the base, grasp the handles while your lower arms rest on the arm rests. Then you're supposed to step off the base and begin raising your legs together using your abs. Yeah, I tried it. I got two in before I almost fell off because I couldn't keep my body up using my arms.
BUT that's ok!! I did it. I tried something new. No one laughed at me, no one stared or pointed. No one even noticed really. More than that, I felt no shame. I did my best and that was ok. Next time I'll try again and maybe I'll be able to do 3 or 4.
This is a new feeling for me. I had one brief moment of hesitation because I was in the eye line of another woman working out, but I didn't let that stop me. And I wasn't embarrassed. To me, that's more of an accomplishment than anything! I didn't let my weight hold me back. I didn't let fear or insecurity keep me from doing something I wanted to do. To me, this is proof of transformation in progress. :)
I'm so looking forward to trying things I haven't been able to do because I've been too heavy: flying without needing a seat belt extender, fitting on the roller coasters at Universal Studios, not being afraid to sit in a booth at a restaurant (I'm already finding this to be easier!)... and more...
I think I always knew I was letting my weight hold me back from so many things, not just physically but mentally and emotionally too. I just didn't realize how much so until recently. I don't want to let another day go by where I allow my weight to hold me back because I am more than what I weigh. I am not defined by my weight or size.
I'm Not Sure I Can Do This
2 days ago