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Wednesday, September 8, 2010

It's all in your head...

From Day 1 Nancy and Dr. Oz have said this weight loss journey would be a mental shift as well as a physical one. I thought I knew what they were talking about, and in some ways I guess I did. I knew that my eating was more mental than physical, but I didn't realize how much I was subscribing to the whole "just eat less and work out more" mentality.

If that's all it took, I'd so be there! But it's not that simple. Yes, in order to lose weight you have to eat less calories and exercise more. But the only way to do that with long term results is get to the bottom of WHY you are eating in the first place. I still haven't cracked that one for myself, but I'm starting to.

I like to eat to deal with stress, insecurity, anger, bitterness, and fear. Notice a trend? It's all negative! When I'm happy, joyous, celebratory, and calm my mind does not wander to food. I usually want to share that time with my family and loved ones. When I'm feeling stressed, insecure, angry, bitter, scared, etc I want to be alone... and I want to eat. ALONE. I do not like to overeat in front of people. I actually don't like eating in front of people in general.

When I'm feeling down I withdraw and I turn to food. I thought this was because I found comfort in food, but I've realized that is not the case... I find solace in food that I am what I thought I was. A failure, worthless, and undeserving of happiness. I have struggled with self-esteem for most of my life. I have definitely gotten better at valuing myself and realistically acknowledging that I am worth while.

But in my darkest times, in my saddest moments it feels as though all those things I know to be true about myself fly out the window. And so I eat. And confirm the fact that I'm no good. And then I feel worse, and eat some more, and the hoplessness and vicious cycle continue.

This weekend the Lord showed me that I do deserve to be happy. He created me. And He makes no mistakes. He wants me to rejoice and be joyful no matter my situation or circumstances. In my darkest times and in my brightest times I am to worship Him and rejoice.

And it struck me... I need to learn to be content. In the moment. In any situation. I need to be content and greatful for all that I have been given. Only then can I know true joy. Being skinny won't make me happy. Being a mom won't make me happy (as hard as that is to say). Only He can bring true joy and I need to derive my joy from Him.


  1. Amy you are an inspiration and I am enjoying reading your Blog! You are a beautiful soul...congrats on all of your weightloss as well. I am so jealous that you got to meet Dr. Oz! I need to find the show you were on =)

  2. Your an amazing person Amy. Just watching you take this journey has inspired me. It has also showed me more things about myself and why I eat so much. I just wanna say thanks for being so honset with your journey and the things that are going on with you. I admire you for that. Again Amy, you are an amazing person!!!

    Christy Abbe

  3. I found your blog a couple days ago and have been reading it from the beginning. A lot of what you say and the struggle that you experience day to day strikes a cord with me. This line especially hit home: "I find solace in food that I am what I thought I was". Oh my...this hit the nail on the head! I do the same thing to retreat to the safety of what I know, my routine. Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing your journey as it progresses. You are real and don't need to make any apologies for that. Continuted blessings.