Of everything I've shared on this blog, this is the hardest. I feel like a failure. I know Dr. Oz tells us we will fail, we just have to accept that and keep going and do our best to eat well. But I feel like I've let Nancy down. I've let Dr. Oz down. And I've let all of you down.
This may be silly, but it is how I feel. Everyone is telling me what an inspiration I am and how strong I am... Well, now you know... I'm just as normal as anyone else with
flaws and cravings and temptations I give in to.
One thing that's been different lately (or rather back to normal I guess) is my reaction to stress. My old reaction to stress was to eat. Since day one after meeting Nancy and Dr. Oz I've found myself with no appetite during stressful situations. Well, the last couple weeks my stress level has been absurdly high and my old habits are rearing their ugly head!
Until last night I've been able to distract myself or at least choose foods they aren't horrible for me when I feel the "need" to stress eat. Last night however was the last straw... It has been a tremendously stressful and chaotic week or so that has literally brought me to my breaking point.
After 6 hours in the ER with my husband (he has severe pancreatitis most likely from gallstones that passed, he may have to have his gallbladder removed) I finally went home to get some sleep since they were admitting him. I was a wreck. I felt horrible leaving him but I also knew I needed to rest so that I wouldn't be completely useless today.
With tears in my eyes I pulled out of the hospital parking lot, and saw the glowing red wendy’s sign… the Sweet & Spicy nuggets were calling my name. On the drive home I devoured my nuggets, fries, and diet coke. All the while knowing this was probably the absolute worst choice I could have made in terms of food...
Since coming back from taping the show on the 13th I've really been struggling with being intentional. I've started a 30 day challenge to try to jump start my motivation and it's been a great way to do so. But I’m really struggling with the cravings and temptations in a way I haven’t for the last 12 weeks up to now.
Today while I'm at the hospital with my love I have packed nutritious and delicious foods. Taking it minute by minute trying not to get ahead of myself.
So there you have it. I'm getting back on the wagon and for right now that's good enough for me. :)