Losing weight, but gaining so much more...

Hitting the 40 pound loss mark has truly amazed me. I have been working hard, and focused so much on being intentional in my eating and exercising that that I hadn't really taken time to reflect on all of the changes taking place. Not just the physical changes, which are of course amazing, but also (and more importantly) the mental shift that has occurred has been nothing short of miraculous...

I have struggled with low self-esteem for as long as I can remember. I have never felt "good enough" (whatever that would actually be). Someone else was always smarter, thinner, prettier, quicker, better, more deserving, etc, etc. I have let people walk all over me, take advantage of me, and use me not only because I let them, but because I thought if I didn't, they wouldn't like me. I didn't believe I deserved to be treated any differently. I didn't believe I wasn't worth being treated any better.

Over the past few months, and even more so the past few weeks, I have noticed a shift in this thinking of mine. I don't notice it as it's happening, but later as I reflect on the events I realize that I reacted and acted much differently than I would have several months ago. Instead of just saying or doing what I think is expected, I voice my actual opinion. I say what is really on my mind rather than just "sucking it up". I have to say, that I haven't been rude or snotty LOL but I've been more honest when I might otherwise not be.

It's been small steps forward, but it's truly amazing to see how much changing how I view my body, and what I put into my body, has changed my thinking as well. I have never felt particularly beautiful, and I still struggle with feelings of insecurity. But I see the progress and I know that rather than being a fat girl forever, I am healthier and I'm going to get smaller and smaller, and I feel better too. I am making better choices nutritionally, and it's impacting how I feel about myself just as much as my physical energy and strength.

A big part of this is also due to the fact that I've been practicing taking my thoughts captive. For every negative thought that goes through my mind, I replace it with a positive truth. At my desk at work I have several verses at eye level that I can focus on when I'm feeling particularly negative, or down.

Don't get me wrong, I still have down days. LOL But they are getting fewer and farther between (and usually come at a particular time of the month lol). I'm changing my thinking and growing my knowledge about food and nutrition and in turn am doing the same for my thinking about myself and my worth. I never realized how tied the two were... but it makes more sense as time goes on... Our bodies are temples. What we put into them and how we care for them are just as important to our physical health as to our mental health...