Days 42-45

Well, I survived my rough patch and while I stayed the same this past weigh in, I came out the other side a little wiser and lot more motivated.

Going through sever PMS for the first time in a long time (due to irregular cycles) was kind of odd. I felt so discouraged and moody, and just plain down. I still did what I was supposed to do -- I ate the good foods, avoided the bad foods, and basically just went through the motions... All week I felt so bloated it was rediculous! I just knew I was going to see a weight gain, and that was making me feel even more discouraged!

Wednesday night (the night before weigh in) I decided to sneak a peek and step on the scale. This was a bad idea for several reasons... First, it was the evening and obviously a different time of day than I usually weigh. Second, I weighed with clothes on, and also usually use the restroom prior to weighing (sorry if TMI!! LOL)... Third, it's just really not a good idea to sneak a peek when you have NO time to do anything to change the number (and I weighed in 7 pounds higher Wednesday night, and basically the saw no change in the number from the previous week on Thursday morning...) I am a glutton for punishment I guess! LOL

The biggest thing I learned though is that it is not enough to just go through the motions. I cannot get complacent and just go with the flow when it comes to my weight loss and health gain. I have to be intentional in my efforts. I have to make every day count, every meal, every workout has to push me closer to my goal.

Another thing I learned is that I'm going to have some crappy days. Days where I just feel down. Nothing has to happen, no tragedy or drama has to take place. Just regular old bad days like everyone else. Only, I never used to let anyone know I had those days... I was always the happy one, always the one lifting every one else's spirits... And rather than talk about my feelings I ate them, good or bad.

I have to allow myself to be human, to be imperfect. I used to feel worthless, and like a failure (and I still struggle with that). But I never used to let anyone know I felt that way... I had to appear to be perfect and unfallible and strong and, well, super human I guess. How conceited is that! Oh my goodness... I was so deceived... But I know that acknowledging it is powerful and empowering. :)

In six weeks I'm going to be running a 5K. Yes, running. :) That is my goal. I've started training and am looking forward to accomplishing that goal and moving onto my next goal of finishing a half marathon in the spring. I know that getting into the physical condition required to run 13.2 miles is just not possible in 4-6 months, but, I will definitely be capable of FINISHING 13.2 miles by jogging and walking.

Pray for me as I train because believe me, I'm pushing myself harder than I ever have before!