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Monday, November 16, 2009

Day 26

Apparently God is trying to teach me humility because it is a constant theme these days... My husband and I are down to one car and I'm having to depend on my parents and siblings to pick me up from work because Scott's shift is 12p-9p. I have a ride to work, it's getting home that is the problem.

It drives me crazy to have to ask for help. It affects my work life and of course my personal life. Because I apparently think I am Super Woman and should be able to do anything and everything that comes my way, I end up feeling stressed out and imperfect way too often.

Having to beg a ride from my family (or friends if I'm truly desparate) is quite humiliating to me. That being said, I would not hesitate to help out my family or a friend in the same situation. In fact, I'd tell them they were being silly for thinking the exact same thing I am thinking... But that's usually how it goes for me.

I hold myself to exceedingly high, frankly rediculous, expectations. Expectations I would never put on anyone else. I know I'm not the only person who does this, but why do we do it?!? Why do we expect so much of ourselves and offer so little grace, but when it comes to those we love we are full of grace and understanding?

Something I am learning through this journey is balance. Balance in eating, in thinking, in living. Should I work hard, and do my best, and strive for achieving high expectations? Absolutely. Should I beat myself up and feel like a worthless loser when I need help and have to depend on someone else? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Have I completely let this sink in to my very core yet? Nah, not yet. LOL But I'm getting there. I'm learning it, and trying to apply it. Grace is there, and I'm just as undeserving as the next person, but God says I don't have to deserve it. He just gives it. And who am I to deny Him?

1 comment:

  1. Another awesome revelation. Keep it coming and keep at it you are an inspiration!